Thursday, April 15, 2010

Bullying creates self esteem challenges

Bullying create Self Esteem Challenges

Janice Davies – Attitude Specialist

Feeling powerful is one of the characteristics of bullies. They feel great when they see another person cringe after they have challenged them either verbally, emotionally or physically and this can even stretch to spiritually.

Bullies use their actions in these ways to make themselves feel good. The other party
feels intimidated, threatened or other negative ways. They will succumb to the
demands of the bully to keep the peace and stop the present teasing or antagonism. This leaves them feeling un-empowered, guilty, uncomfortable, angry and other negative emotions.

Bullies don’t care how you feel, they just care that they get their way. Bullies are only concerned about their own feelings and they’re false sense of power.

You’ll find bullies in personal or professional lives. They can be the boss, co-worker, customer or in one’s personal life, the parent, partner or at school, the children causing the fights, or in today’s society sending the threatening text or email.

Bullies are people who have not learnt in their life about how to create good relationships. In the first five to seven years of our life, people’s values about life and ‘how it works’ are formed. If they’ve experienced challenging negative relationships, that’s all they know. They don’t know how to express themselves, work in a good team, show love and care for other people without playing verbal, emotional or physical games.

Bullies are people who have low self esteem and to make them feel good, need power over other people. This creates negative relationships at work and home life. However the person who is being bullied also has low self esteem. This creates a lose/lose type of relationship. Both people have not learnt interpersonal skills and personal development.

Until one person learns how to interact assertively, the bullying continues. Once the other party starts to learn techniques to empower themselves, the relationship starts to change.
To the disgust and anguish or anger of the bully, the other person they once bullied doesn’t react in the same way. The bully will continue trying the same techniques that once got them the reaction and power they wanted. If the person succumbs to the pressure and returns to their old behaviour, the bully has won. This is the recurring patterns in relationships at work and home.

The answer for the person who is being bullied is to un-entangle themselves from this power playing and negative style relationship and move forward in their life. In a work situation it can be as drastic as changing jobs, which many people do. In personal life it can create the same result of leaving relationships, unless both parties are willing to learn together with guidance how to create a positive life.

In either of the above situations, the learning person of the relationship starts to boost their self esteem and overcomes their self doubt learning to feel good about themselves. This is what life’s challenges are for, to prompt people to learn skills to overcome their hardships. Any negative feeling or emotion is an indication that something is not right and needs to be addressed. Sometimes there’s a lot of this negativity and the key is to ‘chip’ away slowly at the challenges. They need to learn to move forward in their life, with more positive thoughts and goals to use their gifts and passions to create their dream life for themselves. It’s everyone’s challenge and some people have mastered the technique and others don’t try.

It’s important for the person learning, to continue their personal growth, coaching or counseling to ensure they have an understanding about their past. It’s also important for this person not to feel guilty and forgive themselves so they can move forward positively in life.

In the work place I hold my Dealing with People and Tricky Situations public and in-house workshops and have Ebooks and manuals which help people understand their situation and empower them with skills to move forward. All the information in these products relate to both personal and professional life. Additionally, my Attitude Training and Online Success Coaching courses all assist and teach people skills to success in their personal and professional life.

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