Difficult People Stories from Workshops

Over the years of running my most popular workshop on Dealing with Difficult People and Tricky Situations, I have had many people who have realised they are getting bullied by a co-worker.
Here are three bullying stories:

75 Reported Incidents

 

 A lady attended my workshop to learn how to deal with difficult people. While she listened, she suddenly realised that she was being bullied from a colleague. After the workshop she discussed her challenges with her Human Resources officer. She was told to record her experiences over the next two weeks. She recorded 75 episodes. After her next meeting with her HR officer, she was told that the three of them would sit down and discuss them all. The lady then told the HR officer that because she was not sleeping or eating properly. And was constantly worrying about work and losing weight, she decided that she could not endure the cross examining. She said she would rather leave and handed in her notice and left her job.

Unfortunately the bully stayed and was not reprimanded, waiting for her next victim and the lady who left within a month found a better job, with no bullying.

Family Dysfunction affects Managers Autocratic Performance

In his early 40’s a manager in a building factory was told to attend my workshop. The business owner for whom he worked for, shared with me the disruptive behaviours of his employee.

During the workshop the employee shared that he was on medication for his stress and depression. As a child he had been beaten from his drunken father and had grown up in a very dysfunctional family. He had been married 2 or 3 times and his present relationship was not very happy. He was a good looking physically fit man, but was very unhappy with his personal and professional life. He was very clever with his hands, hence his work as a building factory and was promoted to manager. However, the challenge came with his bullying and autocratic style of management. He only knew one way to have relationships and that was to bully people so they did what he wanted.

 

After my workshop he had some understanding about what had happened in his life, but when he left he was undecided whether he would continue learning and start to change his life.

 

 

 

 

 4 Employees in 18 months

A lady who attended my workshop, came to learn how to deal with a difficult female manager at work.  She was in a secretarial position and found after three months in the job, that she was feeling less confident every month. Her husband was concerned for her and suggested she learn how to stand up to her. After my workshop she realised she was being bullied by the manager and after discussing it with others in the lunchroom, she discovered that she was the fourth person in this position in 18 months. The previous three ladies had either been relocated within the university or found other positions. Her HR officer told her to just put up with it, but after attending my workshop and understanding what was happening, the lady who attended decided that she would ask to be relocated within the company or find another position. She knew she was a confident woman before this working in this position and wanted to become a confident lady again, rather one who was getting demoralised at her work from a bully.

Her Testimonial
I thank you for your assistance at the course. It was good for me to be able to identify the problem and the behaviour and not to blame myself (or continue to think that I am incompetent when I have been working in admin for 30 years) for what has been happening within the office. Three of the four staff working under this person have now resigned, all having found other positions and the 4th is job hunting. I think the final straw was when I was told not to have anything to do with several important PA’s because they had formed an unfair and unjust opinion of my boss.

If you want more online information about difficult people and bullying, visit
Difficult People Help

Solutions for Preventing Workplace Bullying

Article by Janice Davies, Ann Andrews and Michael Smyth

A recent report highlighted the tragic news that New Zealand has one of the highest rates of workplace bullying in the world, with a staggering one in five employees being subjected to overbearing or belittling behaviour at work.

The research, funded by the Department of Labour and the Health Research Council found that levels of workplace stress and bullying were far greater than expected.
A survey of 1728 workers in the health, education, travel and hospitality sectors found 18 percent had been bullied, while 75 percent had suffered workplace stress.
Ineffective leadership was highlighted as one of the main causes. However, Janice Davies believes that lack of personal awareness skills is also a key factor in the bullying relationships.

The research further discovered that employers across all the surveyed sectors had a limited understanding of the problem and how to address it. It also found that reporting structures in most of the organisations they studied were ineffective, with bullying being viewed as part of wider harassment or violence initiatives.
Organisations need to have a zero-tolerance policy towards bullying which, for most places of work will require a cultural change and clearly defined procedures put in place to educate managers and team leaders on effective strategies for dealing with bullies.

Although it is impossible to gauge lost revenue from the effects of bullying, some staggering statistics are available on workplace disengagement. In a biannual poll of working New Zealanders undertaken last year by Gallup Consulting, their results showed that 15% of workers are actively disengaged (a 4% increase since 2006) and that manufacturing has the highest percentage (22%); service industries the lowest (12%). 38% of actively disengaged staff felt that the stress of work caused a flow-on effect to behaving poorly with their family or friends, compared with only 13% of Engaged employees.

In New Zealand, JRA, who conduct the ‘Best places to work survey’, believe 70 percent of workers are ambivalent or disengaged and the cost of that disengagement is on the rise and estimated to be in the region of $NZ5.9 billion p.a.

Janice Davies was herself bullied at work from a bully with a previously tainted workplace reputation. After a five minute verbal attack from the bully, her boss told her to discuss the problem over lunch and become friends. Fortunately for her, prior personal experiences with bullies and had taught her how to remain empowered.
From the victims point of view bullies are cruel co-workers. It is difficult, but the victim needs to learn if it wasn’t them, the bully would find another target. They use manipulative language and behaviour, preying on kind hearted and non assertive employees or gradually nitpick at confident employees until they lose their self confidence.

A workplace bully is angry and unable to communicate assertively. They have low self esteem and create negative relationships. Some may be conscious of their antics but unaware there are different types of positive workplace relationship which create more satisfaction for both parties.

At Janice’s workshops on dealing with difficult people, attendees confirmed a high percentage of bullying was experienced. It uncovered that after victims discussed the situations with their HR department or managers, they were often told to ‘get on with it’ or it was fobbed off as inconsequential. Generally they found another job leaving the bully for the next employee.

These solutions are suggestions from the reports and our authors.

• Organisations need to have a zero-tolerance policy towards bullying which, for most places of work will require a cultural change and a realisation that bullying is not acceptable
• Organisation will also need to have clearly defined procedures in place to educate managers and team leaders on effective strategies for dealing with bullies
• Organisations also need to provide education for empowering employees to be confident and how to engage in positive workplace relationships
• Organisations who hire for skills rather than attitudes may discover that qualified staff have not developed their people skills, therefore qualified employees still need further education about creating positive workplace relationships.

When these solutions are addressed, an organisation is likely to have a safer environment with trustworthy, motivated staff who support, respect and perform at a higher level during working hours. Thus, the 1 = 2 or more, ratio of disengaged employees is transformed

In the Gallup Poll, it was discovered that 76% of engaged New Zealand workers strongly agree that their supervisor is an active supporter of changes that affect their group. Which translates into good old fashioned democratic or consensus style leadership!

Three professionals who work in the corporate sector are now providing practical solutions so companies can deal confidently and competently with the issue.

• Janice Davies from The Attitude Specialists is a business trainer and consultant who has first hand experience of being bullied at work and now shows targets of bullying how to deal with the situation.
• Ann Andrews – The Corporate Toolbox has 20+ years experience as an HR Consultant who, not only advises organisations on how to set up sound policies and procedures but also teaches managers how to actually deal with bullies in their team
• Michael Smyth is a practising employment law barrister and the author of Employed But Not Engaged: How to break up with your employees and hold on to the ring. Michael has successfully worked with the victims of bullying in raising personal grievances and defended employers from bullying accusations.


Also available are tips, articles, TV & radio interviews and E-Posters for display on http://www.attitudespecialist.co.nz/self-esteem-bullying.html For further queries email janice@attitudespecialist.co.nz

Solutions for Preventing Workplace Bullying

Article by Janice Davies, Ann Andrews and Michael Smyth

A recent report highlighted the tragic news that New Zealand has one of the highest rates of workplace bullying in the world, with a staggering one in five employees being subjected to overbearing or belittling behaviour at work.

The research, funded by the Department of Labour and the Health Research Council found that levels of workplace stress and bullying were far greater than expected.
A survey of 1728 workers in the health, education, travel and hospitality sectors found 18 percent had been bullied, while 75 percent had suffered workplace stress.
Ineffective leadership was highlighted as one of the main causes. However, Janice Davies believes that lack of personal awareness skills is also a key factor in the bullying relationships.

The research further discovered that employers across all the surveyed sectors had a limited understanding of the problem and how to address it. It also found that reporting structures in most of the organisations they studied were ineffective, with bullying being viewed as part of wider harassment or violence initiatives.
Organisations need to have a zero-tolerance policy towards bullying which, for most places of work will require a cultural change and clearly defined procedures put in place to educate managers and team leaders on effective strategies for dealing with bullies.

Although it is impossible to gauge lost revenue from the effects of bullying, some staggering statistics are available on workplace disengagement. In a biannual poll of working New Zealanders undertaken last year by Gallup Consulting, their results showed that 15% of workers are actively disengaged (a 4% increase since 2006) and that manufacturing has the highest percentage (22%); service industries the lowest (12%). 38% of actively disengaged staff felt that the stress of work caused a flow-on effect to behaving poorly with their family or friends, compared with only 13% of Engaged employees.

In New Zealand, JRA, who conduct the ‘Best places to work survey’, believe 70 percent of workers are ambivalent or disengaged and the cost of that disengagement is on the rise and estimated to be in the region of $NZ5.9 billion p.a.

Janice Davies was herself bullied at work from a bully with a previously tainted workplace reputation. After a five minute verbal attack from the bully, her boss told her to discuss the problem over lunch and become friends. Fortunately for her, prior personal experiences with bullies and had taught her how to remain empowered.
From the victims point of view bullies are cruel co-workers. It is difficult, but the victim needs to learn if it wasn’t them, the bully would find another target. They use manipulative language and behaviour, preying on kind hearted and non assertive employees or gradually nitpick at confident employees until they lose their self confidence.

A workplace bully is angry and unable to communicate assertively. They have low self esteem and create negative relationships. Some may be conscious of their antics but unaware there are different types of positive workplace relationship which create more satisfaction for both parties.

At Janice’s workshops on dealing with difficult people, attendees confirmed a high percentage of bullying was experienced. It uncovered that after victims discussed the situations with their HR department or managers, they were often told to ‘get on with it’ or it was fobbed off as inconsequential. Generally they found another job leaving the bully for the next employee.

These solutions are suggestions from the reports and our authors.

• Organisations need to have a zero-tolerance policy towards bullying which, for most places of work will require a cultural change and a realisation that bullying is not acceptable
• Organisation will also need to have clearly defined procedures in place to educate managers and team leaders on effective strategies for dealing with bullies
• Organisations also need to provide education for empowering employees to be confident and how to engage in positive workplace relationships
• Organisations who hire for skills rather than attitudes may discover that qualified staff have not developed their people skills, therefore qualified employees still need further education about creating positive workplace relationships.

When these solutions are addressed, an organisation is likely to have a safer environment with trustworthy, motivated staff who support, respect and perform at a higher level during working hours. Thus, the 1 = 2 or more, ratio of disengaged employees is transformed

In the Gallup Poll, it was discovered that 76% of engaged New Zealand workers strongly agree that their supervisor is an active supporter of changes that affect their group. Which translates into good old fashioned democratic or consensus style leadership!

Three professionals who work in the corporate sector are now providing practical solutions so companies can deal confidently and competently with the issue.

• Janice Davies from The Attitude Specialists is a business trainer and consultant who has first hand experience of being bullied at work and now shows targets of bullying how to deal with the situation.
• Ann Andrews – The Corporate Toolbox has 20+ years experience as an HR Consultant who, not only advises organisations on how to set up sound policies and procedures but also teaches managers how to actually deal with bullies in their team
• Michael Smyth is a practising employment law barrister and the author of Employed But Not Engaged: How to break up with your employees and hold on to the ring. Michael has successfully worked with the victims of bullying in raising personal grievances and defended employers from bullying accusations.


Also available are tips, articles, TV & radio interviews and E-Posters for display on http://www.attitudespecialist.co.nz/self-esteem-bullying.html For further queries email janice@attitudespecialist.co.nz